Tumblr + Some matters about me before I turn 20 years old

Hi wordpress blog. How have you been? Sorry for neglecting you for a week because of Tumblr. I just tried it out to see how it works, and just as I expected, it’s a place where anyone and everyone can spazz/spam/fangirl endlessly. It’s a fun place. In just a week I got 59 followers. I got to meet fellow L’Arc~en~Ciel, Hyde, and Final Fantasy addicts and so much more. I wanted my followers to further increase, so I joined in and shared some L’Arc/Hyde/Final Fantasy stuff I have in my laptop. And then I realized something that I don’t like about Tumblr. It’s when you share a rare photo, for example, and your followers from the same fandom will tend to reblog it. And then it gets reblogged, reblogged, liked, replied to and all, but still no one will follow you. People will follow the ones who always reblog from you. Haha. Sad reality. So that’s why I stopped sharing now. Maybe I will some time in the near future, but not now.

What else? I’m currently working on my undergraduate thesis. I am pressuring myself to finish it by Wednesday (three days from now) so I can be worry-free when the LOOOOOONG WEEKEND comes. How long? Just about 11 days which can be like a mini-sembreak.

Another thing? I’m lonely. I don’t know, must be hormonal because of my monthly period or what, but still I’m unhappy. Maybe it’s because it’s my first weekend in Baguio for this school year? You know, it’s because I always go down to Manila every weekend. Or is it the lack of social life in Baguio? Compared to my social life in Manila, my social life in Baguio completely pales in comparison. Here in the City of Pines, I only go out of the house for academic-related stuff, not to hang-out with friends. Come to think of it, where will we hang-out here? In SM? No, thanks. I don’t even fancy staying late in school for a school event. I only did when I the UP Baguio Pep Squad was still active.

Sometimes I think of how much I’ve changed when I entered college, especially about my sociable self. Lately I realized that I have become so withdrawn. By withdrawn I mean I don’t initiate conversations that much, especially when I barely know the person. I don’t “story-tell” that much anymore and so much more. But I wouldn’t call myself anti-social, stoic, unsociable, QUIET, or what. I’m still loud. I’m still cheerful. I’m still bubbly. I’m still sociable, but to the extent of just making others laugh and making everyone comfy in the organization and classroom. I’m already in my senior year in college, but I can only count with my fingers those who can truly say they know me. It sucks.

As opposed to my college life, I am very active in high school, even in elementary. I attended all school events. I was a member of a lot of organizations/clubs and a varsity. Not only that but out of like eight clubs I joined in, I was an officer of four or five. Plus, I also became the head drummer of the Pep Squad varsity. I was also, consistently, an officer of the student council of our batch. I was all over the place. I was active. I had tons of friends not only from my batch, but from the upper and lower years, as well. I had good grades, too.

What happened when I entered college? I founded the UP Baguio Pep Squad because I wanted to relive my UPIS memories, but it was short-lived. What else changed? I rarely attend school events; I don’t stay in school for long; I don’t talk too much about my personal life with college friends; I don’t feel the need of “needing” anyone; I’m inactive with clubs, except for one. I have three organizations right now; I’m inactive with forum sites (I still am actually, but not as much as I used to before college), and so many other things.

Older friends say that maybe I’m just growing up. Some back it up saying that it is maturity. Maybe it is. I’m turning 20 years old next month, and I’ve had similar discussions with my friends who turned 20 months before. And they all have similar sentiments. One of my friends said that she calls it “quarter life crisis.” We are about to enter the world outside our four-walled classrooms, priorities will pile up, and I’m utterly terrified of it.

I may be withdrawn right now and I’m just here in my room, not wanting to interact with anyone at the moment in case I cry all of a sudden. Right now, from the bottom of my heart, I know that I only want to be with the people who truly know me. The people I need the most right now are those whom I can share my shits with without having to explain how or why I’m like this and that. In short, I need my highschool friends.

Whew. That’s it. I didn’t think my post would lead to something like this. Well anyway I’m getting hungry, so ja! And by the way, at SBS Inkigayo today, Super Junior had a dance performance with Victoria of f(x). Watch it! It’s hot! πŸ™‚


2 thoughts on “Tumblr + Some matters about me before I turn 20 years old

  1. WOW. I mean, not that I am amuse about this or something. It’s just that this is EXACTLY my situation right now. T_T And I can totally (okay, not really since I am never bubbly to begin with ^^;;) understand whatever you’re feeling right now.

    I have lots of comments throughout the post but I am shy to share it here. XD Sooo I’ll just pm you on FB. πŸ˜€


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